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“Mama those Don’t Look Like Yours” and other tales from Pride Day

This year, my niece came Out and announced she is gay.

So what does a good, loving supportive Auntie do? We go and watch the Gay Pride Parade togrther, that’s what.

It was an amazing day. We saw everything from dreams to Queens and I caught myself a nice sunburn on only one side. We went to McDonalds where I got schooled on the difference between the Trans flag and the Bi flag. Oy. I had no idea. Apparently the Office of Mental Health acknowledges some 63 different sexual orientations. Not for nothing, Congress is wasting its time trying to create a bathroom for everyone.

After we parted company we made our way back downtown to see if we could cut back across to catch the train home. I forgot the parade cut midtown in half so we didn’t get where we wanted to go. After a few blocks, I noticed body parts were becoming more and more visible and clothing was becoming more and more revealing.

Jo ogled some guy’s nicely formed bare bum and announced she likes Pride Day. I am permanently scarred. For life! I mean, I am all for admiring God’s beautiful Creation but hearin my daughter admiring the View out loud just ruined it. Oh well. Enjoy the view, kid.

Chris saw a very attractive young African American lady who only had silver glitter stars on her boobs. She caught him staring, found him.absolutely delicious, and generously bounced her eye-level boobs past my drooling son’s face.

“Mama yours don’t look like that… They have staaaars on them…!”

“Uh no. Those are stickers baby.”

“Wait- what!? Stickers!? I feel so cheated!”


Happy Pride, y’all.

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